The Unexpected - Offspring hits close to home

My favourite Australian show, Offspring, had been running the trailers all week – who was going to die.  Not as full on as the ‘Who shot JR’ campaign, but if you watch the show, you were sure to tune in to find out who. 

The show presented 3 possible characters that would not make it through to next season.  Jimmy, the brother of the lead character Nina Proudman, was a dark horse.  While he is known for being clumsy, his story line is not really exciting enough to provide drama. The second option was Patrick.  Patrick is Nina’s partner on the show and while he has had a stormy past, he and Nina are about to have a child together and he is an audience favourite.  The third character was Billy, Nina’s sister.  For me, this looked like the natural choice.  In recent weeks, her life has been spiralling out of control, she has made some risky life decision and besides, in the small Australian acting community, the actor who plays Billy is already staring in second prime time show. You could feel the crash and burn of her character coming.

It was a simple bump.  Patrick was crossing the road and a car turned in to him at a low rate of speed but knocked him off the front of the car and onto the pavement.  The driver immediately got out and checked to see if Patrick was ok.  Sure he was, he plays a doctor in the show and other than a little abrasion to his elbow, he was fine. But was he?

My mind was already sensing it and took me back to that day we heard the actor Natalie Richardson had died from a bump to her head from a low speed fall on a gentle ski slope.  Yes, Patrick had bumped his head and was a little disoriented so sat on the curb and called Nina, whose character is also a doctor, to come pick him up.  As they drove along, his speech began to slur and he was soon unconscious.  A frantic drive to the hospital, he was whisked off to surgery but I already knew what was coming.  Patrick didn't make it.  So there was Nina, on her first day of maternity leave, awaiting her and Patrick’s child, alone.

A month ago, a healthy 47 year old experienced mountaineer was climbing Mt. Rainier in Washington State in the US.  He and 8 friends summited the snow covered mountain and were skiing back down.  He caught an edge.  Somehow his skis turned or he couldn't control them in his weakened state and he plunged off the edge of the slope.  His fellow climbers went to his aid, some staying with him and others descending to get help which finally came in the form of a rescue helicopter.  Unfortunately, the head trauma as too severe and his life support had to be switched off.  His wife, my cousin, is now widowed and their 11, 9 and 4 year old children will not have their active, passionate and engaging father in their lives any more. 

Both in real life and in the world of Offspring, these tragic events had a silver lining in the form of organ donation.  Other lives have been saved and mums, dads, partners and children of those awaiting transplants have the opportunity for many more years and memories with their loved ones.

We often think that life is like a TV drama and that things in life happen in a dramatic fashion.  If this were the case, Offspring would have written off Billy Proudman in a dramatic fashion to cap off her out of control life.  But sometimes it’s the everyday – an unexpected turn or a bump on the head – that change the course of our lives so dramatically.  The writers of Offspring have shown their true talent by reminding us that life with its twists and turns is not about the expected or the predictable.

My lesson learned.  Cherish those around you and be grateful for them every day.  And make sure others are aware of your wishes related to organ donation.

Why I wish there was a Starbucks in Perth

Let's start with the coffee.  I don't drink the stuff. Never have, never will.

I believe coffee drinkers when they tell me that the coffee sold in Perth or Melbourne is so much better than anything Starbucks can make.

So, why do I wish they had Starbucks in Perth though?

1) Service geared towards the take away customer
I have just returned from a very busy shopping centre thirsty.  I was thirsty when I was there but made the choice to come home and drink something out of my fridge rather than waiting 10 minutes to order something to drink from any of the coffee places in the shopping centre.  Until Gloria Jeans or the Coffee Club can set up a reliable system where you don't have to wait behind 6 other people to order and then wait another 10 minutes to get your drink while they fill the orders of those other 6 people plus the backlog of 6-7 drinks they hadn't made up before you ordered. The baristas (if you can call them that) never seem to have a system of who does what and watching them at work is like asking 6 year olds to prepare tea - well maybe a 6 year old would be motivated to get the tea party going albeit with pretend tea. Their order fulfilment systems are set up to cater to those customers who are happy to sit for 15 minutes to wait for a coffee and linger at a table.  Me, I just want something to take with me and don't want to be buffeted around by all the shoppers trying to get past me as I wait for someone to start my order.

Starbucks has a system and that system works.  Even if you are waiting in line to order, there is never an equivalent wait on the back side for your drink to be made and handed over. And if they get it wrong, you not only get a replacement but a free coupon for any thing, any size the next time you visit.  Wait too long and you will also be given a free drink coupon.

2) Selection of non-coffee options - specifically chocolate

In the winter, I drink hot chocolate.  In the summer, a Grande Double Chocolaty Chip Frappucino blended creme.  There is no equivalent in Australia which provides a blend of milk, ice, chocolate bits and whip cream.  You can't drink them every day but I also don't eat out that often so I would be happy to find one here.  There is nothing similar in Perth and Gloria Jeans use of tim tams in their iced chocolate chiller only results in drinking flavourless chocolate milk mixed with soggy cookies by the time you get to the end of the drink.

3) Oat Fudge bars
They may not be healthy but there is nothing like this Starbucks staple to fill you up and give you a little chocolate buzz.

Have you ever gone home thirsty because you can't get timely service?

Truth in Advertising

One part of this is true.  The other part is false advertising.

The money charged by phone companies is a combination of the cost of doing business and what the market will bear.  Period.

If I'm really getting $550 worth of calls and texts, who is paying the other $532.01 every month?  NO ONE!

Is there anyone who would willingly pay $550? NO

Is there anyone who is paying $550? NO

Then why can companies make this kind of claim in their advertising?  In Australia, every company advertises mobile services the same way so the company used in this example is irrelevant.

If it really cost them $550 to give me those services, the company would have been out of business a long time ago.  How dumb do you think we are?

If I pay $17.99 per month for a service, I’m getting $17.99 worth of value.

Awkward

I’d have to blame myself for why I’ve never taken the time to meet my neighbour sooner.  We’ve rented this house for over 2 years and even though I give a wave when I drive by, that’s about all I’ve done is drive by. 

But today fate and timing intervened.  I met a girlfriend for coffee near my house and decided to walk to the cafe instead of taking the car 5 blocks – I still don’t know if they’re called blocks in Australia as each house sits on a ‘block’ too.

I know he’s a car buff as he has a huge garage and a race car often sits on a trailer.  I know he likes golf as he can spend hours chipping uphill on his verge and landing on the grass every time despite it being only about 2 meters wide. I know he had a knee (or hip) replaced recently as he was on clutches for a few weeks and has slowly returned to walking around with a slight limp. Another neighbour also told me that his wife had had cancer a few years back and had had a double mastectomy.

So today as I walked back from the cafe, my neighbour’s garage was open and he was puttering about.  We said hi and somehow that led to 20 minutes of delightful conversation where I learnt so much more about him.

He started working as a building contractor when he was 20 and built his first housing complex which he and his mother eventually lived in.  He is ‘70 and a half’. I assume this means 6 mos to his next birthday rather than being 75.  He has raced cars for 30 years and has an old Alfa Romeo race car which he bought and restored almost 10 years ago.  He has a golf handicap of 12. He’s helped one son build a house and he has a daughter living in Hong Kong and another son living in Sydney.  Next year he wants to go on a cruise from San Francisco to Alaska, around to Russia and past Japan and China ending in Singapore.  But I only found these things out after we broke the ice.

It started this way.

When I first said ‘hi’ today, he asked if I’d been playing much golf recently.  I had forgotten we’ve had a brief conversation with me admiring his verge chipping skills and his asking if I played golf.  Not often and quite poorly had been my main remarks that day.  So today I told him I can’t play until October as I have recently had surgery.  I told him that our mutual neighbour had mentioned that his wife had had a double mastectomy - well that’s what I had had as well. 

He was quite excited that we shared this common experience – well me and his wife that is.  Who were my breast surgeon and plastic surgeon?  Well it also seems his wife, Sandra, and I both have the same plastic surgeon and she underwent the same reconstruction 7 years ago after she had breast cancer.

Did you keep your nipples?

He seemed shocked that he actually asked me that.  He apologized for being so forward. 

I learnt so much from him today and that question was like asking if you put butter on your toast.  If you knew my friends, it’s the first thing we talk about when we meet someone new.

I am sure we will talk more frequently from now on and that I will soon be chatting to Sandra about our shared experience and mutual acquaintance in our plastic surgeon.

There was only one thing bothering me about our interaction today.  Nipples?  No, the question didn’t faze me.

I forgot to ask his name.

Awkward

Update - His name is Paul!

Dockers

I live in the land of the Fremantle Dockers.  A couple years ago, they were at the top of their game in the Australian Football League (AFL) - more commonly know as footy.  This year you will more likely hear "I'm glad we became Westcoast Eagles fans" as that team has risen as quickly as the Dockers have fallen in this two team city.

But enough about football.

It hit me like a ton of bricks today.  If you ever find yourself amongst a gathering of American business men in Perth, you will notice a common theme to their office uniform - Dockers. The American chino style pant mass produced by the Levi Strauss company for men who want to avoid wrinkles and need a little Scotch-guard in their fabric to avoid looking sad when they spill beer on themselves.

These guys blend in at work but get a group of American men together for a sundowner or weekend social and Dockers become the overwhelming trend. 

Dockers - the uniform of the American man. Fortunately, they don't sell them in Australia. 

Strine

I have amazingly reached the point where someone’s accent is no longer the first thing I notice about them.  There are so many different accents here, as with any multicultural city, that I often need to do a double take when I hear a North American accent.  But the Aussies have certainly developed a language all their own (Strine) which oscillates between endearing and irritating to an outsider.  As I’ve said before, they have a habit of shortening words and adding ‘ie’ or another vowel to the end which to sounds juvenile to a more conservative Canadian ear.  Just over a year ago I read an article down here criticising Americans for ‘bastardizing the Queen’s English’.  All I can hope though is that my sons leave Australia still speaking real words and full sentences. 

I once heard that the Inuit have many different words for snow as it was such a part of their life.  Australians have also taken this approach to the bathing suit.  So, as it hits bathing suit weather in Canada, you might want to consider breaking out your:

Bathers: general bathing suit term

Boardies: surfing or board shorts

Cozzie: usually a ladies one piece bathing suit

Budgie smuggler: men’s speedo
Togs: bathing suit

You’d think discussions about food would be straight forward.  You should have seen the jaws drop last week when I told some of our dinner companions that we’d just come from a weenie and marshmallow roast with the Canadian Club.  By the way, it was great hanging out with fellow Canadians with lots of jeans, fleece tops, and hockey jerseys around a campfire eating s’mores  (They have to import marshmallows and graham crackers).  So here’s some more food terms I am having to learn and use.

Sausage sizzle: hot dog day

Icy poles: popsicles

Fairy Floss: Cotton Candy

Lollies: most candy except chocolate

Choc: chocolate (why they always say choc and not chocolate is beyond me)

Need work done on your house or by another blue collar professional?  Here we have:

Tradies: any trades person but specifically those in home renovation

Sparkie: Electrician

Brickie: brick layer (there are lots of them as all houses are made of brick)

Panel Beater: collision repair person

And another assortment of words borrowed from the Brits, shortened a-la-Australian or generally accepted expressions:

Arvo: afternoon

Bikkies: biscuits (cookies)

Mackers for Brekkie: McDonald’s (restaurant) for breakfast

For all my criticism of the Aussie language, there are a few words that are easy and fun to use. 

Whinging (whining): oh, quit your whinging!

Heaps (lots): We’re going to have heaps of fun shopping!

Money is not dollars and cents but rather notes and coins.  Kind of makes ‘adding your 2 cents’ to a conversation fall flat or result in blank stares.  For those of you with a business vocabulary, I have also recently found out that while Australians do have ‘elephants in the room’, they do not have ‘sacred cows’ or do ‘warm body hiring’ – well they do but they don’t use those words.

If you didn't catch the video clip in the link above, it's really priceless.  They are commenting on the impact of the gymnastics floor on the family jewels of the male gymnasts at the Syndey 2000 olympics - flat bag, tool bag, crazy date, hello boys...

Cancer came a callin'

In 2005, cancer came knocking on my family's door and it has changed shape ever since then.  My sister called me one fall day - within days of her 38th birthday.  After years of family support for breast cancer causes, my sister now had a stage 3 cancerous lump.  A wife, a daughter, a sister and a mother of 3 - cancer does not discriminate.

Five years on, my sister remains cancer free but forever vigilant.  But the plan has now changed.  As part of her monitoring process, she was involved in a study looking at the link between early breast cancer in women, family histories and genetic mutations.  Her participation was to prove that those with no real history of breast cancer were random cancer patients. They had tested her to see if she carried the breast cancer gene.  Now the results are in: BRCA1 positive.

BRCA genes are the good guys of the cell duplication process.  Just as a photocopy is not as perfect as the original, the BRCA genes' job is to fix any problems with the the DNA of a 'copy' so it is an close to the original cell as possible.  If the BRCA can't fix the DNA, it destroys the problem.  When you have a BRCA mutation, it means that the fixing process is faulty and more abnormal cells slip through the cracks.

Did this gene mutation happen because of something my sister did or didn't do right?  Not in the least.  The BRCA1 and BRCA2 mutations are hereditary and go back many generations.  No one is to blame.  But it seems the gene mutation has come through my mother's side of the family and both my mother and I have tested positive for the mutation as well.

So we all have some decisions to make moving forward.  Women with the mutation have an increased risk of developing ovarian and breast cancers - much higher than the general population.  But the solutions are not simple.  They involve surgery to remove ovaries and breasts.  So with a variety of screening tools, monitoring and surgical interventions, we will take proactive steps to ensure we are survivors.

Cancer may have come a callin' but we will prevail.